Tuesday, September 13, 2011

PICU hell

The next 2 and a half weeks were the hardest in my life.
Seeing my baby girl on the bed in an induced coma with tubes and lines in and out of her body….
It was horrible. I had a permanent stomach ache.
She was cooled to 31 degrees to try and save her little brain.
She felt ice cold and had bruises from where they were trying to get more line entries.
Her face was swollen but through that I could still see her long lashes and beautiful lips.

We had numerous meeting with the doctors.
We had the nation’s best neurologist looking after.
He suspected she had what they call “ Alpers Disease “ but couldn’t confirm until bloods were tested. We only gogoled it once, cried, said it couldn’t be that and put it to the back of our minds.

We had to be strong for Stella.

Every single day we sat by her side, played her Bob Marley and read her her favourite books. I had to whisper to myself “ she’ll be okay, she’ll be okay” repeatedly through my head.
If I didn’t the grief over came me and I couldn’t think, I couldn’t see.

Positive thinking is what got us all through....
So many emotions, up and down.

Meeting the other people in PICU, seeing some babies make it to the ward, and some making it to heaven.
I met a lovely couple, whos boy passed while we were in there. His daddy said that their son was watching over Stella and that she would be okay. I clung onto this, this hope.

I dreaded any meeting with the doctors, and felt violently ill every single time we had to meet with them. The amount of times me and my husband were told that our star, Stella would not make it is unbearable to even think about now, months on.

We just kept clinging to hope. The last few days in PICU she started to move for the first time.

Wow, she’s waking we thought.

To hear that we were to be moved to the Children’s ward, I was so happy. She wasn’t in what they call a critical condition anymore, she could breathe by herself.

Obstacle after obstacle Stella knocked down.

First they said she wouldn’t be able to breathe by herself, she showed them she could.

Then they said she would be able to move her left side, she could.

Everything she did was a miracle, she was just amazing.

1 comment:

  1. How any parent can make it through such an ordeal I do not know, but Chelsea and Scott, what you have done for Stella is amazing.

    I never stopped praying for a miracle, as I'm sure everyone that knew Stella did.

    Stella has shown time and time again how strong she is. Such an amazing little star, beautiful Stella.

    Love and hugs always x