Sunday, May 6, 2012

My toddling son

6th May 2012

Jett turns 14 months and 5 days old today.

Stella was this exact age last year when she presented with her first uncontrollable seizure.

When I look at him I see her.

He is so funny and cheeky like she was.
He pulls the same faces she did and is very much a rascal like his big sister too.

Watching Jett is wonderful. He toddles about when Stella never really got the chance too.
That’s a big thing for us, as before she first went to emergency that afternoon I had been waiting impatiently for her to start walking properly, and she never did get too.

It’s unbearable some days, seeing friends with their little ones and knowing Stella should be the same age or older.

Looking back at the year myself, family and friends have been through... well, to say the least it’s been unbelievably distressing and well and truly life changing.

Sometimes I think too much, what I've seen Stella go through- well you wouldn’t wish it upon your worst enemy.... and a lot of the time I couldn’t even watch, I had to look away.

On the other hand, she was and is still absolutely and completely loved.
I just try to remember all the good times, the times she smiled, giggled and smirked.
Its hard to remember her before April last year, as when she got unwell and we had no diagnosis I had to block out how she was previously as the heartache was way too unbearable. To think of how she was just broke my heart, and I tried to see her for who she was then at that time
and who she would be in the future.

I never ever (not once)  stopped believing that she would be different, that she would show this stupid diesease what for and beat it. If it was something that she could of beat she would have for sure, she was just that amazing.

Today we're going to see The Wiggles and I'm going to enjoy watching Jett walk around, laugh as he picks things up and throws them. Watch him while he claps his hands and grooves his body to the music !
I'm going to enjoy watching him squeal when he wants something and I'll watch him, while trying to hide my smile when he's getting a temper.... all because I'm just so lucky that he's here and he's able to do all these things !

I've said it once or twice before and I'll say it again, dont take any day for granted, enjoy your kiddies, and if some days they are really trying, take a deep breath and think how completely lucky and blessed you are to have them here with you because there is so many people in this world who have lost their newborns, children, teenagers, and many who do not even get the chance to have a child....

Miss your pretty little angel face Stel Bel

Chels xx