Monday, December 17, 2012

365 days


*** I wrote the below post in preparation last week ***

This last week has been tough.

On Saturday though we celebrated with Stella.
She's around, she knows we love her and I know she loves us to, just wish we weren't divided by a whole universe

Looking back on the year that was, I’m surprised at how 'well' I have actually coped.
I don’t know if the fact that my daughter Stella isn’t here and never will be has even sunk in properly yet as when I think about it I wonder how I could function normally on a day on day basis.

Losing a child is not something that many people have to endure (thank goodness) and when you do it puts you in a special category.  When I’m out I appreciate the fact that you don’t know everyone’s story. You don’t know what people may be hiding behind a smile. I know people are shocked when I say I have a daughter; but she passed away last year at only 23 months old. They don’t know what to say, and I don’t blame them.

The year 2012 has been full of smiles, love, sadness, reminiscing and the start of a new life.
Smiles made by good friends, new and old who keep me sane and are always open to talking about my Stella, always there for support.

Full of love with Jett giving me just what needed to cope with each day without Stella…. A special little being who has the kindest soul and sweetest nature, even with his new found tantrums.
Sadness, overwhelming at times that my Star has gone. How could this happen to us. We’re good people. It’s just not fair.

Reminiscing on what Stella use to do, what she use to look like and how she use to act. Soon she would have been turning into a cheeky three year old.
And even sooner, a new precious bundle to welcome into our family.

Each day I appreciate the fact that I am very lucky to have what I have.

I’m very lucky to have had Stella, if only for a short while, at least I have met her, my daughter. So strong, brave and beautiful. Im better off for having known her thats for sure.
I’m also very lucky in the fact that we could be blessed with another child not including Jett. I’m so grateful that we live in this age in time, where genetic testing can be done & this little baby in my belly is healthy.

I’m lucky to have a loving and supportive husband, who still loves me as much as he did when we met over 7 years ago.
We have an amazing family and I an even more amazing mum. She’s always been there for me and truly gave me the strength I needed last year and this year. She let me believe that I could do it, be strong and be there for my own daughter through the darkest of times.

And last but not least I have my health. Being healthy use to be a given, something that I never thought about… I now know it’s not to be taken lightly. So many people are not healthy. So many people suffer through various diseases, both physically and mentally. My own daughter was very very unwell. She passed away due to vital organ failure.
Seriously, writing this seems so surreal. I don’t think I’ll ever comprehend what she and ourselves have actually been through and sometimes thinking too much is not a good thing. So having my health, I am truly blessed, both in my mind and spirit.

One year my sweetheart
Forever on my mind, forever in my heart.







  1. Oh Chelsea.. What can i say.. your an amazing person, mum.. I am very lucky to know you and for you to share this story about beautiful Stella with me and my family.. God bless you and your family..

  2. What a gorgeous girl chels thinking of you & family xx