Sunday, April 15, 2012

16th April 2011


Today is the eve of the day when one year ago our Stella was rushed off to the hospital.

The naivety I had that day makes me cringe now.
I honestly thought she was just having an allergic reaction and that she would be out the next day.
How wrong was I.

A whole year, It seems to have flown by.
There were however many times through the year when it seriously felt like the whole world had stopped. That I was the only one moving.
I still can’t bring to myself to ‘really’ think about the last year we have endured.
What we have gone through has been devastatingly life changing and I will always carry sadness in my heart.

Stella was and is still amazing.  
I will miss her for as long as I live.

How am I living my life now ?
I will not take anything for granted and I will make the most of each day.
Seem like pretty simple quotes to live by but I know so many people don’t.
I don’t bother getting caught up in petty stuff anymore. I make time for people who feel good for my soul. I try to smile more and have an even more relaxed attitude when it comes to living life in general.

Every single day I take pleasure in the little things.
I love watching Jett.
When he’s playing, eating, sleeping, talking.
I cuddle him and I kiss his face and chubby cheeks so many times a day.
I hold him and dance, and we snuggle on the couch. I really hear and listen to the giggles and laughter. 
I saviour him every day, and I feel incredibly blessed to have him here with me and to have had Stella too.
Everything he does, I look in wonder. This little being is so very lucky to have his big sister watching over him. He will always know who his sister is, how brave she was, and how much of a beautiful soul she had.

As the old saying goes;

“It’s better to have loved then to have not loved at all”….

Well, that’s an incredibly hard way to think when you have lost your child but it’s so so true.
I hated that saying last year, and I hated myself for thinking, at times when the grief was overwhelming that it would have been easier not knowing her at all....
I couldnt even say the verse in my head without bawling.
Now, I can smile through tears as I am so very very blessed to have had her in my life, for even only a short time, and in that time I can honestly say I loved  her and fed her posistive energy every single day. She in return loved me, and taught me to be a better person and mummy.
She was here for a reason and she left for a reason to.
As crap as it is, it's how it is and nothing can change it.

Love you Stella Baby, for eternity, and till we meet again xx

Stella on the morning of the 16th April 2011: 
A normal, healthy, funny pretty little girl x


  1. We think of you and your beautiful family every day Chelsea - the strength that you show through your words constantly amazes me. Stella will be so proud of her amazing Mummy and Daddy and brother. Sending you all the love and spirit I can muster.

  2. Sending you and your entire family much love and lots of hugs Chelsea. Your beautiful Stella Grace has touched so many lives. Know that we think of you always and Stella will never ever be forgotten. Everytime I kiss and cuddle my boy I can't help but think of Stella and wish she was in your arms too.

  3. I think you are one amazing amazing mummy!
    I dare say you have your days where you don't feel so strong, but i think you are the strongest most inspirational person around. I can not read this blog without such a heavy feeling in my heart. I look at beautiful beautiful Stella and i see my girls. I worry every day that something might happen to them after reading what you have been through. You can never take anything for granted can you? I really wish i could turn back time and give your Stella back to you and take away all your pain and sadness I don't doubt for a second that Stella is never far from your side. And that saying is right, although it's hard. your an amazing mummy, don't you ever forget that, Stella choose the most perfect family for her during her short stay. there is so much i wish i could say and do for you. thinking of you and your family during this tough time and the times ahead xx

  4. I have never met you nor can I imagine how things over the last year have been. But every Sunday I pause for a moment & check the gorgeous pictures of your little girl & your incredible way of tempering her dedicating a space in time for Stella. I wish that things ease for you, calm for you & stillness comes for you in those times when the days are rocky... Although we will probably never meet - your little girl has taught me to pause on days & breath & remember that things can go wrong even when you think nothing will ever change....and remember to love much much more......

  5. For such a young lady she really did leave her mark didn't she. The way she has changed how you do everything, the way you are and the way you mother really is incredible. She made an impact that will last a lifetime. It's terribly sad that that impact also carries a sadness for you and so many others who knew and loved Stella...but I hope it gives you ongoing comfort to know that she made an impact on others too. So many of us forum girls have learnt a lot from Stella and she is one little girl we are all likely to never forget.

    Much love to you on this anniversary.

  6. Wow, your an amazing, brave, strong, women, I look at my little girl, and it makes me really upset that she is nearly the age of stella, and I cant think about not having her in my life, when ever I am having a shit day, and I always think of you, and I stop, and my shit day, isnt that bad after all,
    your such an amazing women, and mummy,
    my heart goes out to do on this day, and everyday,
    Stella is always in my heart, and always will be xoxox

  7. chels, your pure essence for love and life is inspirational. Stella was so lucky to have had such a beautifully spirited mother. my love and thoughts are with you forever xxx

  8. I dont even know where to begin with this comment, as nothing I could say would be adequate. I only wish to say I admire your courage more than you could know and wish you peace in your world x

  9. Such beautiful and positive words you have written. I can relate to the naiviety comment you said, it is like that with mito parents because nothing in your life is ever the same again after that. Your positivity is really inspiring and it is beautiful that you can appreciate things in life and everything about your son. Those very things will give you comfort and strength to get through in life. I'm sure she is still with you every day xxx Marina

  10. On the 16th of April this year my daughter who is also named Stella turned 5. I said a silent prayer to your beautiful Stella to keep your family safe and bring you strength. I have never met you but I hope you find peace from the stars above. xoxox