Stella turned 23 months old yesterday, still so so young and very much still my baby girl.
After nearly three weeks in intensive care and a few on the ward Miss Stella is coming home today.
It’s a big day. She will be brought home by ambulance as she is so fragile.
We now have different equipment. I thought before was hard but now it’s a whole new ball game.
We have a suction machine, air mattress and oxygen.
Stella doesn’t swallow at all anymore and needs oxygen at a low rate full time now. She is also floppy, even more so then before.
They have changed her drug cocktail around now so the ones I use to be able to do with my eyes closed have all been changed.
The last three weeks have been so up and down. It’s been a frightfully scary time where I honestly thought we may lose our Star. I cannot explain the raw emotion you feel. The tears, sobbing and the heartache, it’s awful, and its real and it doesn’t go away.
Saturday last week we were told to say goodbye. The team in ICU meant it, and I thought this was it. I have never doubted Stella before and have always remained positive but I really thought she wouldn’t be okay. They said her body went into shut down after a collapsed lung. Oh my, it was awful.
She did however get through the afternoon that they expected her not too, and became stable. What an amazing girl, to go through so much and still be here, wanting to be here.
Without going into too much detail she is now being looked after by palliative care, I’m sure you all know what that means. To me it means she’ll be comfy, not in pain and smothered with lots and lots of love each and every second of every day.
Christmas is around the corner, and I just want her here for it. I want to be holding her in my arms.
My princess, who I know so many do love, is taking us all on a ride, her ride, and she is now the one calling all the shots.